I'm an Atheist Wanting to Marry a Christian. Need Advice.

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I thought it would have had a better ending. The only one that can change the heart of a person is God Ezekiel 36:26-27. Not giving a chance to understand it. And I was atheist for a very long time before I switched back to Christian.

I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. My Christian husband and I have been together for 15 years now, married for 12, and have two children together.

I'm an Atheist Wanting to Marry a Christian. Need Advice.

A true love story to kick off the year. I have talked to the couple and they gave me permission to tell their story. She was raised in a non-religious home, but had relatives who were Christians. She recalls her aunt once yelling at her mother over Christmas dinner because Kate had not been baptized. Kate began calling herself an atheist when she was old enough to explore the issues on her own. Still, Kate was very outspoken about her non-belief in God. She had a on the back of her car. She admits she sometimes sought out Christians for the sole purpose of starting an argument — and she would make jokes about Christianity. Not often, but it happened. When Kate moved into her dorm room her freshman year, she was greeted with cut-outs of Christian sayings that were placed on the wall. A separate group put up a banner in the central part of campus on April 1. Kate managed to endure the Christian environment through the social support network she had back home, but that support was several hundred miles away. Her experience with Christians finally changed during her junior year of college. She met a guy named Erik in one of her Spanish classes and they became friends. Though, as with many college acquaintances, once the class ended they lost touch. Facebook profiles give people a chance to write a short description about themselves — they can also list their religion affiliation. Kate and Erik quickly shifted their eyes to see what the other had written in the biography field. It was a shock for both of them. They decided to go out, but neither brought up what they had seen on Facebook. However, a couple outings later, they realized just how different their views were. Erik was a devout Christian who led a Bible study group. Yet, as Kate and Erik got to know each other, they found that they shared interests and beliefs on just about everything outside the realm of religion. They were becoming good friends and a tight bond was forming. Not long after, they began dating, which was as surprising to them as it was for everyone who knew them. And their relationship helped them realize how badly they were treating people who held different viewpoints. Kate says she learned how to speak appropriately around Christians. As she began to know more about Erik, however, she discovered there were educated Christians in the world. Erik changed as well. Before meeting Kate, he had held the view that all atheists were the product of a bad childhood experience with religion or the result of abuse in the church. Essentially, he believed atheists were atheists because they hated God or Christianity. Through Kate, he learned that it was possible to be an atheist based on reasoned, logical arguments. It was a well-thought-out system of non- belief. It was a tough transition for the couple, but they began to get used to their differences. When they found out he was serious about this relationship, they attempted to stop him, telling him that if he married an atheist he would be disobeying God. They just wanted what they thought was best for him. They were also scared. Their dream of having Christian grandchildren was slipping away. Even worse, they were afraid they would lose their son and not see him in Heaven. At one point, Erik stopped speaking to his parents. He understood where his parents were coming from: he, too, had once believed that deep inside everyone wanted to be a Christian — it was just a matter of having the opportunity to hear the gospel. It never crossed his mind that other viewpoints could have merit. In church, they were taught that these types of theological conversations stopped with the proper Christian answer. But during the meeting, the mother brought out the Bible and began reading a verse about how God was in control of the situation. Kate nodded politely, but inside she was irritated. When Kate heard the reasons, she knew exactly the proper explanations to respond with, but this time she kept her mouth shut. His parents kept their cool. She was a sinner just like everyone else. However, what was an innocuous statement for them was incredibly offensive to Kate, who did not feel sinful at all. This conversation lasted for more than five arduous hours. Several months later, his parents demanded that either Kate convert to Christianity or Erik put a stop to the relationship. They wanted the best for her, and to their way of thinking, the best involved God. Her mother told Kate not to change for Erik. But her parents knew they taught Kate how to think, not what to think, so they were not worried. Kate continued dating Erik because she knew he was different from his parents. But how does a relationship like this last? But it turns out they both share core values and a passion to find the truth, whatever it may be. They also have strong communication and conflict-resolution skills. They both strive to understand each other instead of trying to change the other. Not when it comes to faith. If the subject of God comes up, Kate has learned how to speak about her beliefs without making inappropriate comments. They both also share values and morals, though the reasons for those beliefs come from different places. He sees the Bible as the best guide book for life, not a book filled with literal truths. As he says, he is a follower of Jesus, not the Bible. Kate says that Erik helped her become a different kind of atheist: one who is more compassionate and understanding. She removed the Darwin Fish emblem from her car out of respect to others and stopped telling or laughing at jokes that ripped on Christians. For them, love is conquering the barriers that arise between people with such differing beliefs. Erik no longer sees atheists as a threat to his religion. Instead, he sees them as people who have well-thought-out beliefs. Kate was an exception to that unwritten rule. Speaking of churches, they even go to them together. They spend time going to places of worship and discussing them afterward. Each visit provides them with an opportunity to discuss faith and non-faith in a positive way. It was a dramatic change from another church they visited which was more contemporary and catered to young adults. Erik had enjoyed this church at one time, attending it for nearly two years and playing a large role in the planning and operation of various ministries. When he had visited this church more frequently, he thought it to be accessible for everyone, not just other Christians. Eventually, it became too conservative for his tastes and the ethos of the church became combative against non-Christians. But when he visited with Kate, he still hoped she would see it for the good it contained. Kate was not impressed. It was then that I began to see things through her eyes. This time, they both had a positive experience. When discussing the beauty of nature, Erik could see it through a Christian filter nature was beautiful thanks to God. Kate could understand nature purely through the elegance of natural selection. At one group event, he saw a movie by atheist director Brian Flemming called. They were curious and interested. They had a good discussion with Erik and constantly asked his opinion on certain parts of the movie. Of course, some of the skeptics were… well… skeptical of his motives. However, after speaking with him, they found out he was a Christian who had given serious thought to why he held his beliefs. He could think for himself instead of merely parroting what he had been told in a church, and they respected him for that. Kate and Erik joke about how forcing atheists and Christians to date would bring about more peace, tolerance, and understanding. Even without the close relationship, the idea that people with such different worldviews can get along so well is an important message in itself. One question I had for them was how they would raise children if that time ever came. While neither has a definite answer, they both feel like giving the child a broad range of religious experiences is the best way to go. Erik wants to provide the child with answers from multiple sources — what mommy believes, what daddy believes, and what others believe. Kate would prefer a more secular approach, but also understands the value of seeing the wider range of beliefs. Questions are also encouraged. February will mark out two years together for us. Of course we both still regularly read this blog and still each have our copies of your book that brought us closer together and inspired us to go on our own church hopping excursion. We look forward to another year of making atheists and Christians drop their jaws as we introduce ourselves as a weird interfaith couple. I changed a couple things to make it more clear. I am an atheist, and I dated a christian for about nine months, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. He would frequently make comments about how wrong I was, and try to get me to become a Christian. I always tried to be accepting of his beliefs, I never argued with him, and I even offered to go to church with him. I really want to go back to my pre-2004 or 2005 behavior of ignoring religion and religious people. The discussions and experiences are overwhelmingly painful and depressing. I hope more people will be willing to question their own beliefs, as well as their beliefs about others who believe differently. The larger part is that those things do not have anything to do with Atheism at all. It sounds to me, from your story, that you two have the same kind of relationship that we do. It seems that far too often, when we are entrenched in these battles of ideology, we lose sight of what really matters. I dated a Lutheran girl for over two years, while I was still Mormon, and the religion was eventually the cause of our downfall. In the end, we were not able to see past all the differences to see the love we shared. Best of luck to you both. AJ is apparently completely blind to the beauty of the story. The Christ I was taught about as a boy spent most of his time with the worst of the sinners, and through his example and love, inspired them. His overwhelming love was enough. If the common Christian god does exist, he works through love, and time. Judge ye not, or you are no better than the Pharisees. I hope you both have a fantastic year! The Christ I was taught about as a boy spent most of his time with the worst of the sinners, and through his example and love, inspired them. His overwhelming love was enough. If the common Christian god does exist, he works through love, and time. Judge ye not, or you are no better than the Pharisees. I hope you both have a fantastic year! Best of luck to both Kate and Eric. It seems to have worked really well. I hope things work out for you. The only detail I read was that at one time he stopped talking to them. Does he have to directly defy them? Does he conceal his relationship from them? Are his age or economic dependency factors in how much pressure they can bring to bear on him? This part of the story sounds like it has at least as much potential for pain for him as what Kate has gone through. For you to start your first comment with a sarcastic crack suggests there may be a good reason that she has not come to you to talk about this. Kate is your sister. Soon enough she may be the only family you have left. Treat her with respect, love and empathy regardless of her views. I will try and make my comments as sensitive as possible. How does Erik reconcile the fact that the Christian Bible specifically says that Christians should not join themselves with unbelievers Second Corinthians 6:14? A Christian is defined as someone who follows the teachings of Christ. The Bible is generally considered the authority on the teachings of Christ. I ask because it addresses what I see as the fundamental problem between atheist and Christian relationships. How does the Christian party reconcile their belief without becoming hypocritical? Please understand that I do not mean to be unkind. I simply have a very difficult time imagining how this scenario could be successful. Discussion might help me out here. Changing my mind would certainly broaden my miniscule dating pool. When Kate heard the reasons, she knew exactly the proper explanations to respond with, but this time she kept her mouth shut. While the story as a whole was a nice example of people overcoming prejudices, this part disturbed me. Kate, best of luck and a world of happiness to you and Erik. My Christian husband and I have been together for 15 years now, married for 12, and have two children together. It can be done, and done happily! A Christian is defined as someone who follows the teachings of Christ. The Bible is generally considered the authority on the teachings of Christ. Kate says she learned how to speak appropriately around Christians. As she began to know more about Erik, however, she discovered there were educated Christians in the world. I am not sure I understand why this is a terrible question. There would be times it would be rude to ask, I suppose, but if someone expresses to me that they think certain Biblical events are literal retellings of actual events, I would ask if they truely believed that. Come on, now, how could anyone believe that the some of the stuff in there is real? There are educated Christians, yes, and many of them know plenty about their religion, but I have never heard a sane, rational person think that the Bible is a literal retelling of only literal, true events. I have never heard a sane, rational person think that the Bible is a literal retelling of only literal, true events. Furthermore, the person who thinks that is an educated, intelligent woman and a good friend, whose common sense and good judgement I value in every area outside that of religion. People will never cease to amaze me. No matter how much what they believe stuns you, shocks you, disgusts you, or pisses you off, count to 10, and give them the benefit of the doubt that there is a reason they believe what they do. Think about your own beliefs; why are you an atheist? How sound is your own philosophical foundation? Even though atheism inherently makes sense, imagine if you were brought up differently. Even if you were brought up in a Christian household, maybe your understanding of Christianity is just plain wrong. How does this promote harmony? All that matters is that the respect is present and mutual, and that views are changed not for a person, but for the merit of the views. It is your responsibility to learn all you can about religion; you might even find a branch of Christianity more acceptable to you than the one they currently follow ie- convert your Evangelical to Catholicism. I do believe it is possible for an atheist to legitimately become a Christian, as it is for a Christian to legitimately become an atheist. No one loves a nut job. Some Mormons fit this exception as well. You be the judge, date at your discretion, and at your own risk. If you do fall in love with them: 1. But if you do, think about what you really want in the long term. As atheists, we would largely be ashamed to raise religious kids. Do you look forward to marrying a sane! Or will you regret it? Will you miss the Christian when he or she leaves your life? Are they truly one of a kind? But the truest sort of love imaginable. If this is the case, well, weigh that against their religion. We seem to weigh, today, truth more than happiness. This is one of the most defining characteristics of atheists today: we gladly give up the wonderful notion that there is a God, and he loves us, because we cannot know it to be true. Which matters to you? Are they necessarily contradicting? We are often materialists, often determinists. We are freethinkers, and often arrived at atheism by following the natural course of our own minds, despite the religious ideas floating around us. But be warned: atheism, materialism, and determinism are comforting notions too. You must question them. But it is up to you to at least get the most out of the experience; challenge their ideas, but also, challenge your own. Good luck, and Happy New Year. No matter how much what they believe stuns you, shocks you, disgusts you, or pisses you off, count to 10, take a breath, and give them the benefit of the doubt that there is a reason they believe what they do. Think about your own beliefs; why are you an atheist? How sound is your own philosophical foundation? Even though atheism inherently makes sense, imagine if you were brought up differently. Even if you were brought up in a Christian household, maybe your understanding of Christianity is just plain wrong. How does this promote harmony? All that matters is that the respect is present and mutual, and that views are changed not for a person, but for the merit of the views. It is your responsibility to learn all you can about religion; you might even find a branch of Christianity more acceptable to you than the one they currently follow ie- convert your Evangelical to Catholicism. I do believe it is possible for an atheist to legitimately become a Christian, as it is for a Christian to legitimately become an atheist. No one loves a nut job. Some Mormons fit this exception as well. You be the judge, date at your discretion, and at your own risk. If you do fall in love with them: 1. But if you do, think about what you really want in the long term. As atheists, we would largely be ashamed to raise religious kids. Do you look forward to marrying a sane! Or will you regret it? Will you miss the Christian when he or she leaves your life? Are they truly one of a kind? But the truest sort of love imaginable. If this is the case, well, weigh that against their religion. We seem to weigh, frequently, truth more than happiness. This is one of the most defining characteristics of atheists today: we gladly give up the wonderful notion that there is a God, who loves us, because we cannot know it to be true. Of truth and happiness, which matters to you? Are they necessarily conflicting? Which can you realistically attain? We atheists are often materialists, often determinists. We are freethinkers, and often arrived at atheism by following the natural course of our own minds, despite the religious ideas floating around us. But be warned: atheism, materialism, and determinism are comforting notions too. You must question them. But it is up to you to at least get the most out of the experience; challenge their ideas, but also, challenge your own. Good luck, and Happy New Year. And lots to respond to… Just very quickly, Richard, I promise you that my brother and I are very close. He has a constant wit that makes us all groan and roll our eyes. But I appreciate your words! Religiously mixed relationships can work. I have been married to a Christian for about 13 years now and we have two kids 10 and 5. They were satisfied that I sufficiently respected religious and conservative principles even though I was a liberal atheist. We have kind of learned not to argue about religion or politics. I have found it very interesting and participate in some ministries and meet for a weekly Christian small group. I view it as simply a fascinating mind-set. He probably missed the formative years of religious indoctrination. He basically dropped his Santa Clause and what-ever god belief he might have picked up about a year ago. Our younger child is more susceptible for the religious indoctrination and we will have to wait and see how he turns out. Probably all a child needs, though, is one parent to be non-religious to enable the child to be able to have an open mind. I say go for it. A mixed relationship can be a very interesting enjoyable experience where both people learn from each other… You will be living what the world at large needs to do. Find creative ways to make it work. He has a constant wit that makes us all groan and roll our eyes. Kate, thank goodness you cleared that up. We lived together before we got married, which was another hurdle that was difficult for my parents to digest, but I think that inevetably, it was the fear of the unknown. We have been married for a year now and it has been a very rewarding and challenging experience, one I have learned immensely from. Your story was an encouragement. Are we supposed to celebrate that they merely learned to become decent human beings and not insult other beliefs? My closest friends in college were devout Christians. Of course, I choose not to associate with those type of assholes as in your post, regardless of what they believe. How about all the people that accept others from the start? Maybe they believe marrying an atheist is a sin that will make their son go to hell. Given unjustified beliefs, people can believe terrible things with good intentions. It demonstrates how pervasive religion is. I would hesitate to tell an atheist to leave a relationship like this, because the truth is the chance of finding someone compatible who happens to be an atheist is probably low. Lucky me, I did it. But love is always great, if it works, so more power to you both. Would you still love him if his views changed? Both parties did change, just not the way you might expect. Loving you and being comfortable living with you may be separate things for some people. I know they really like Kate, but struggle with how to express what they believe the Bible says about evangelizing. I try to make the best of every situation that comes up with my family, but ultimately I will decide what is best for me based on my own criteria and not theirs. Hemant, thanks for the the work you put in to listening to our story and writing this article. The bit about being a more spiritual atheist is comical. I personally think this whole thing is made up. Someone who wants everyone to get along put this little story together. Talk about desperate, The reality is if they were reasonable they would stop believing in Sky-God tm. Notice the URL…it says F-R-I-E-N-D-L-Y atheist. And we can vote! Oh the horror of freedom and liberty!!! Thanks for answering him with lightness and grace, it expresses well, I think, why you get along so well with your gal. Sorry your parents are kind of jerks about this. Actually, sorry society is kind of jerkish about this stuff. You seem to have the right makeup to get past that… good for you! This was like reading my life story. I am an atheist and my girlfriend is christian. The way the parents acted was very simaler to my situation. Not when it comes to faith. Glad to see that others are on the same path. AnneMarie — When I first read that passage, I burst into tears. As in, a public university. Which made it all the more shameful for the banner to be hung. It actually got approval!!! A high school project inspired him to explore various faiths. He visited a Sikh church, a Circle of Friends meeting, a Catholic church, an Episcopalian church, a Greek Orthodox Church, a Jewish temple, and an Islamic worship service. He even did the entire month of Ramadan. He really liked the Quakers and still attends meetings in Boston. Linda — the question you asked your husband is an interesting one. And if they do…well, what happens then?! Would the other person still love the one who changed? Jeff — thanks for the encouragement! I dated a guy when I was in highschool that was a very serious atheist and it was hard and we did not make it to marriage sadly even though we were engaged. I want to commend the two of you because it takes so much dedication and backing from both sides and I remember people treating me differently when they learned that my fiance was an atheist and how people just acted like it was horrible. How many people would ostracize the guy that I loved because he was not their ideal and I still love him very much and always will. May you both be richly blessed! Thanks for reminding me of the love of my life! I wish I would have read this entry a long time ago. My name is Anthony and I am an atheist however my girlfriend Amanda is christian. I would like to leave a slight story of my own but it will be shorter then the one that was written. If anyone cares to read please feel free to ask me any question or offer any opinions and send to my email. I was raised in a fairly non-religious home. My mother and father do believe in the existence of god, and have always said thing that have referred to the existence of heaven or god. As I got older the answer to those questions became more and more complex and vague. I became very interested in things like science, biology and the reason for life. The quest of proof had lead me down a path of atheism. The only comfort that I had on the subject was my best friend Mike. He never bashed Christianity or any other religion or belief for that matter. So I became very comfortable and confident in what I believed. Around 15 years old I was faced with my first challenge. I was presented with the gift of being my nieces god father by my older sister. For days it racked my brain on how that would work being atheist. I even went to the little practice run that you do before the actual baptism. Many things crossed my mind. Was I lying to myself accepting this gift under the eyes of god with no faith? Was I lying to my sister? The night before the baptism I sat in my room crying fearing what I should do. I gathered all the courage I could and gathered my family in the kitchen. After that, the family was very accepting, understanding and even curious about it. Now I knew it was OK to be… well, ME! I found myself telling people that I was atheist right away so they could go ahead and decide whether or not they were going to talk to me. July 19th of 2008 I met Amanda. I had actually met her in a chat room. I showed her that I was interested and she expressed the same. The moment that I realized she was interested, I blurted out that I was atheist. She continued her interest in me. Soon after, we began dating each other. We have had our hours of religion conversations almost trying to contradict every thing each other has said. But I can say it always came down to one thing in the end… I love her and she loves me. Well today religion came into conversation, and we started discussing how it would work if we decided to get married. That is how I came across this wonderful story. Something that we can both relate to, but will still not stray too far from either of our beliefs. So please, any Ideas please feel free to contact me. I already forgive you. If you made it this far, Thank you for reading. We have two children and we love each other fiercly. Well done Kate and Erik. I hope after the posting of this…since it was so long ago…that the two of you are still doing well. She is 16 and her and her atheist boyfriend are pretty serious about their future together. I just wanted to say that it is not just Christian parents who are intolerant and rude. I have accepted this boy, never with judgment.. I do not preach to him and never will unless he sincerely asks. Belonging to Christ is a personal decision. Having said that, I love this boy. He is a decent boy. And…he his good to my girl. My daughter is very firm in her Christian faith. I actually do not force church on my kids and I expose my kids to various religions. In this situation, I accept and love her boyfriend…whereas his dad found out I was a Christian via my myspace page…within days, the boy was forbidden from coming into my home, citing that I was a bad Mother because of my Christian beliefs and I should be boarded off to a mental institution for believing in God. What is really interesting is that, I allowed my daughter to go to his home for a year 1-2 times a week , knowing that she was entering a strongly atheist home. So, just wanted to point out that religious bigotry should not be blamed on fundamental Christianity exclusively. By the way, I am a preachers kid and a preachers grandkid and a Guatemalan missionary grandkid. Bitter, bigoted people come in all brands, just as open-hearted, fair-minded people come in all brands. Life is tough enough for young couples without having to deal with Capulet-Montague hatreds tearing them apart. Even more well matched people tend to grow in different directions when starting so early. Whether together or parted, I hope they retain their open and accepting natures. I have some questions to those Christians out there dating or in wedlock with atheists or have other religious beliefs entering the picture. My question is: Does it ever get lonely? I am a Christian myself, my boyfriend is a Gnostic. We love each other very much, but I have some serious fears about continuing in our relationship. However, I fear that I myself might get a problem eventually if I start connecting more to my Christian friends and family than I do to him. Does this make sense? Ps: A big thank for opening such a warm and friendly site, it is so nice to know there are friendly Atheists too! Afraid the judgmental experiences go both way, had so many hurtful insults comments through the years. However I excpect that even in relationships where both parties believe the same things…this is probably normal. I had to get over my fear of his rejection. Those moments are personal and I have and am continuing to learn to be okay with them just being mine. I could see a happy future…even if it was hard work…. I think you hit the nail when you mention the fear of rejection. I struggle to see how he could possibly wish to discuss and talk deeply and exploratively about these things with me, even though he says he does. I just fear that we will come to a point where there will be a very clear cleft between us. And what about the day when we get older, and I have to get up every day with my faith that he will not be there with me after this life. We have been struggling with this a lot lately. Is there something I can say to him that will help? I love and respect his faith. It makes him who he is! You have expressed it all very well. Wherever your relationship goes, the essential thing is that both of you must be true to yourselves, and respect that the other must be true to themselves as well. Only then would you have any chance to be true to each other. But if even then, the differences cannot be reconciled, the gaps cannot be bridged, then because of that same truthfulness you will both know that you were both honorable and fair with each other, that neither was false or insincere. From that, both of you can move on, and heal, and in time find partners who are more fitting. Even though you did not end up together, you both will be better off for having been together for a while. The Star-Crossed Lovers is the oldest tale. It has been lived and told, lived and re-told over and over for hundreds of centuries. We never tire of telling it, never tire of hearing it, but we never seem to learn from it. We keep on living it, one more time. Young people seem helpless in their love. Their hearts and heads do not connect. They would not have any hope for other couples in just such a predicament, but they cling to their own dreams of somehow, somehow, somehow… Their love is beautiful in its foolishness, whether it is the blithe ignorance or the stubborn defiance of the unlikeliness of what they desire. Such sad beauty is the stuff of poems and songs. I praise and thank all foolish lovers, whether they stay together or not, for their quintessential humanity. To have a faith, any faith, is like being in a room. And to take on a new faith is like stepping through a door and standing in a different room. If you are two people with different beliefs you are essentially standing in two different rooms. So the question is: Are you happy about living in separate rooms in this area of your life? And it is incredibly lonely. It makes me sad, heavy of heart, and it surely affects him when I am this way. Jainy, you seem to be okey with it, as is my boyfriend. You are wonderful for being so open and loving about it, trying to make it easier for him. Living a christian life is such a life directing lifestyle. I foresee many hard conflicts for the both me and you. I am fine with close friends being Atheists or Gnostics, I think most of mine are! But when it comes to someone so close, so intimate, the one to share my everything with. It just meets that wall hard. Why would that be so bad? PS Congrats to all those that have made their relationships work in this scenario. It may sound horrible, but I really have a hard time respecting someone that believes that. With minor changes, this could be what our story looks like in a little while. Kate and Erik, we look to you as living proof that a Christian and an atheist can live together in happy harmony. Thank you, Hemant, for posting this. As a Christian married for the past 21 years, with 4 kids, it is tough enough — marriage and bringing up kids, to cope with ordinary disagreements between yourselves. I should imagine that your parents, Erik, only want the best for you as they love you very much, and as they genuinely believe that adherance to what the Bible says is the best way to live. Thanks to all of you who have shared with so much depth and realness. If you did, what components did you include? Are there any interesting resources out there that show how others have gone before? Now my wife is a fanatic Christian or … at least she was. Now we are really happy being atheist. Open their eyes by showing them that their own opinion is what matters, and not the selfish phylosophy of religion. Show them how to be free and love without expecting anything in return. Simply love the world. How you you live in peace with a non christian if christians believe that non believers are going to hell? Does Erik not believe in hell? Regardless of what a scripture says, regardless of what self-serving people who preach their spin on that scripture say, regardless of whether a person lives an exemplary life of love and compassion without a moment of belief, or connects all the Biblical dots in belief while living a life of selfishness and cruelty, regardless of whether someone ever even heard of any particular religion, regardless of every possible combination of character, behavior, lifestyle, belief, or level of devotion from 0 to 100, Your god is not bound by any of these conditions. Regardless of how sure you are, your certainty is puny compared to your god. This was an interesting story, but my goodness! Kate has the patience of a saint. The outside world is religous enough! To have religion intrude into my relationship and family life would be too much for me. It would read: Jesus was a liberal. Evolution is a fact. If Kate wants to show support for evolution on her car, she should be able to do so. Kate says she learned how to speak appropriately around Christians. But then how can we ever expect them to be able to think outside the culture box? I thought it would have had a better ending. Finishing reading things can really give you a clearer view of things. Right now, some other Christian is saying the very same thing about you, and for the very same reason: Some part of your behavior does not resemble his. Would like to give this verse for Erik to read: 2 Cor. The word here for unbeliever is apistos, someone who is without faith. Perhaps your black-and-white thinking is just too child-like for this world of gray realities. Maybe Jesus would not be as eager to cast stones of disapproval as you are, discouraging two loving, giving people about whom you know so little. Instead of uselessly wagging your superior finger, try offering a helping hand to someone else who actually needs help, without requiring any agreement of belief in return. That would show the purity of your own heart, which is the only heart you should ever be correcting. It sounds good that a conflict that should have stemmed from differing viewpoints have been resolved and they are working on their relationship. My best friend of almost 30 years had married an atheist guy more than ten years ago and she eventually embraced the same non-belief. It pains me secretly for her to leave her faith so that she can make things work between them. But they have one of the most wonderful, giving and healthy relationships around — one that many christians should even emulate. If I were to base it solely on that I would say that an atheist makes better partners, ergo atheism is closer to the truth than christianity. But by the grace of God, He has given me His patient and loving heart for them to continue to be their friend, cheer for them, celebrate their triumphs and share their sorrows and challenges in life. God taught me to have an open mind and an even more open heart for them. There are many things that they excel in and their values are even more christian-like than some believers. He just loves… In the same way, my friendship with her and her husband comes with no strings attached and have grown over the years. I always thank and honor God for the privilege of enjoying their wonderful friendship!!! The generous love that you model after your prophet is what all people, both of faith and without, need to practice. Through your friends, you have seen that anyone can do it. It just takes willingness. That would probably cause resentment to fester, and it would become a wedge between them. For their relationship to have lasted this long and for it to be as happy and successful as it sounds, it seems more likely to me that she left her faith for her own well-considered reasons as an individual. They can fake it, but it will very often cause problems in the relationship. Just keep doing it. Mark Twain, according to. Good grief — I read this blog fairly often and somehow missed this post which is two years old. My wife is a Christian who believes in the literal story of Adam and Eve, Noah's ark, and her duty to tithe. I think the reason our marriage is so good is that I basically don't say anything derogatory about her beliefs tempting as it is sometimes , and she hasn't killed me Deut 13:6-10. Interestingly, I know the Bible better than she does. The other day we heard a news story about polygamy, and I mentioned that King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines 1 Kings 11. Can you suggest some links? To see a young man who was brought up in the solid truth about God leave the core of his faith to have relations with a girl. My faith does not make me religious but opens my eyes to what really matters in this life. Point blank : God is real. His name is Jesus. And yes your life is meaningless without him. I know this for a fact. This goes far beyond any earthly religion. I promise you this. I stand firm in my faith. My love for God has given me the strength to love those people as well. That being said, I am dating an athiest. No problems have ever come about concerning religion. I talk, he listens, he talks, I listen. Then we move on to a different supject. It really helps to see posts like this. Thanks for posting it, Hemant. And I commend you guys, Kate and Erik. Good luck in the future with your relationship. I wish you both the best. Does a God own your life or do you own it? Once a decent, honest people understand and learn to trust that they are actually good though fallible sometimes all fear and mistrust drops away and so does the need for any kind of mystical Redeemer. Gods are the creations of men, not the other way around. Really, all these attributes are within the human heart always have been and are a choice that each man must make for himself as situations arise in life which demand a response from us. I think many Christians hold onto their faith and morality so strongly because they believe that morality has to include God. But all men need a code of morality to survive — and have one actually, whether or not they are conscious of it or even able to formulate it into words. Personally, I think when Kate and Erik have children this issue will become a problem until Erik realizes his faith is childish. Just a wonderful lover will suffice and it seems that Erik has that in Kate. We both tend to make fun of the really bigoted people though. And I was atheist for a very long time before I switched back to Christian. That switch involved tons of switches between the two faiths. He believes God is cruel for allowing good people to suffer while letting the bad live scotch free. If we choose to live in a way that is against Him then we end up in Hell because we would be more unhappy in Heaven. So, perhaps, under that belief system, people of different faiths could get into Heaven. I am not sure. Why cause I was so open minded when I was younger that I thought I could be in an interfaith relationship. What came out of it me getting further away from my relationship with God. Kate, how would you feel about raising children as Christian? Erik how you feel about raising non-believing children? Time is too precious to settle for something that God has not willed for your life. We all have choice and waiting for what He has for us is one of them! Was there something in my comment that you found condescending? Why should she have to pay deference to religious beliefs? Perhaps it would be wiser never to discuss it, but if she does choose to have conversations about Christianity, then she should be able to express disagreement or criticism in a civil and polite manner. I was getting so discouraged reading these lost comments! To all you believers in Christ out there who think they can have a God-honoring relationship with an atheist please pray for discernment and guidance. Sounds like a dangerous, slippery slope. People can say they are open to everything but that is not even possible or logical. You can mutually disagree on topics but everyone has definite beliefs. Atleast i will stick to my God and His word and i WILL NOT misconstrue any of his teachings and WILL NOT twist his words around to my own selfish, sick benefit. Atleast we believers Love God so much and love His people so much or should anyway that we do everything we can to encourage you to eternal life! What greater friend than someone who cares for your salvation??!!! Thank goodness for His blood He shed! People are afraid though. Research christianity and scripture for yourselves, if even from a scientific standpoint. It really makes me feel good that there are people who can make this type of relationship work, and is helping me to get through a personal issue I have been struggling with for the past few weeks. I am atheist, and I was recently seeing a guy for about a month who is Christian. We never had any discussion about religion, but he knew I was atheist before we began dating and I thought he may be Christian. We got along really well and were very comfortable with each other from the beginning. He continued hanging out with me nearly every night, but acted less comfortable and shunned my touch. I felt like my touch disgusted him, and was very confused about the sudden change. After about a week of this hurtful passive rejection we had an uncomfortable conversation. He told me about the couples he knows through church, and how he wants a close relationship like theirs. Specifically, I am not a Christian. I was not terribly hurt by us not working. We had only been seeing each other for a month, and I had not even had time to develop any real feelings for him yet. I simply enjoyed his company. What bothered me is his rejection based on religious differences that we had never even discussed, let alone fought or disagreed about. This rejection in many ways made me feel the rift between myself and Christians grow. It left me feeling bitter towards those of faith, which is something I have never had. I have always had Christian friends, and have always understood the emotion involved in faith. I have always respected the beauty of faith, and I have seen the wonders having faith can work to help people get through difficult times. To feel suddenly separate, and rejected, from Christians, and people of all religions, has been very difficult for me. I live in Alabama, and to feel a rift between yourself and people of faith can leave one feeling very lonely. Even though I have been atheist for years, I have never felt that it was something that would hurt my relationships. The idea that my relationships could be limited by religion, especially with my own by far being the minority, left me with an uneasy feeling. My point is, this story is the first thing that has helped to make me feel better about what has been happening in my life. People of different faiths can connect and have meaningful relationships. People can work through their differences and create a stronger relationship when doing it. Either Erik loves God and does what God commands of him, or he ignores God and does what he wants.

However, our culture does not tolerate moral judgments. We should not be unequally yoked, as the Apostle Paul puts it. My kids are all believers of varying levels of faith by the way. He gave me a very prime glance. As atheists, we would largely be ashamed to raise religious kids. Please share your advice on what I should do about her mother. I have known marriages between christians and non-christians. Focus on the Family's Counseling department can provide referrals to qualified Servile therapists practicing in your area.